Admin Sarcasm On Why The Server Is So Slow

by on Jun.22, 2011, under Jokes, Politics

Per section 6.1 Navigational Deflector of the starship maintenance manual, I think it’s encountering slip stream collisions due to failure to properly install secondary deflector. Suggest installation/repair of secondary deflector to assist stabilization and performance enhancement.

“When entering into Quantum Slip Stream speeds the Auxiliary deflector system plays a critical role in establishing a stable slip stream conduit through which matter can pass. The Ventral deflector contains a series of 4 graviton flux inverters which allow the near perfect stabilization of a slip stream conduit without the need for perpetual polaric modulation by the main deflector system. The entire deflector network is tied directly into the compute and NAV COM core which then ties into the slip stream generator and the Flight Control data processors. While slip stream speeds can be attained without the use of the secondary deflector it severely limits the vessels flight time to three minutes every six hours, and greatly increases the risk of slip stream collision.”

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Change Freeze Flowchart

by on Dec.01, 2008, under Jokes, Politics

Well, I had a nice 4 days off. Moved all the stuff out of my apartment, and enjoyed the the last few days in a totally empty 2 bedroom, 2 bath, apartment.  Just a laptop, a sleeping bag on a Thai mattress, and certain state of Zen.

Now it’s time to get back to work.  Since we are in the middle of a change freeze that lasts until the end of the year, it was requested the we create charts, graphs , and flowcharts for the systems we manage.  Below is the work flowchart I came up with for the next few weeks.

              YES   =============================   NO
       +-----------|| Does the Darn Thing work? ||-----------+
       |            =============================            |
       V                                                     V
  +----------+     +---------+                          +---------------+
  |   Don't  |  NO |   Does  |       +-------+     YES  | DID ATTEMPT   |
  |   mess   | +---|  anyone |<------|  YOU  |<---------| TO FIX THE    |
  | with it! | |   |  know?  |       | MORON |          | PROBLEM WORK? |
  +----------+ |   +---------+       +-------+          +---------------+
       |       V          | YES                                 |  NO
       |  +-----------+   +------+                              |
       |  |DESTROY THE|          V                              V
       |  |EVIDENCE   |   +----------------+             +------------+
       |  +-----------+   |                |        YES  | Does anyone|
       |       |          |    YOUR        |<------------| know?      |
       |       |          |      FIRED!    |             +------------+
       |       |          |                |                   |  NO
       |       |          |                |                   |
       |       |          +----------------+                   V
       |       |                                         +-----------+
       |       |                                         |DESTROY THE|
       |       |                                         |  EVIDENCE |
       |       |                                         +-----------+
       |       |                                               |
       |       |                                               |
       |       |        ============================           |
       |       +------>||           N O            ||<---------+
       +-------------->||      P R O B L E M       ||
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President Andrew Jackson 1832

by on Oct.09, 2008, under Politics

“Gentlemen, I have had men watching you for a long time, and I am convinced that you have used the funds of the bank to speculate in the breadstuffs of the country. When you won, you divided the profits amongst you, and when you lost, you charged it to the bank. You tell me that if I take the deposits from the bank and annul its charter, I shall ruin ten thousand families. That may be true, gentlemen, but that is your sin! Should I let you go on, you will ruin fifty thousand families, and that would be my sin! You are a den of vipers and thieves. I intend to rout you out, and by the eternal God, I will rout you out.”

(President Andrew Jackson 1832)

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Jackals and Arabs

by on Aug.28, 2008, under Gazelles, Politics

A European traveler from the North, accompanied by Arab guides, is camped in the desert. When night falls, and the Arabs are at a distance, the traveler is accosted by talking jackals. The jackals speak of an age-old hatred for Arabs, whom they associate with uncleanliness. They relate a belief passed down from their ancestors, that a man such as the protagonist would be the one to “end the quarrel which divides the world in two”. The jackals attempt to enlist the traveler’s assistance in destroying them, offering him old rusted scissors with which to slit the throats of the Arabs.

At this moment an Arab happens upon the discussion, and cracks his whip, “laughing cheerfully”. He declares the fondness of Arabs for jackals, and the Arabs bring out the carcass of a camel that had died in the night. The jackals begin to feast on it uncontrollably, and the Arab whips several of them as they tear at the flesh of the carcass, until the European interferes. The Arab agrees to stop, and the story ends: “We’ll leave them to their calling. Besides, it’s time to break camp. You’ve seen them. Wonderful creatures, aren’t they? And how they hate us!”

Franz Kafka: Jackals and Arabs (Full Short Story)

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by on Aug.02, 2008, under Politics, Sundry, Windows

Fact:  Application X crashes.

Reason #1:  If OS is Windows XP, then application X sucks.

Reason #2: If OS is Vista…  Vista Sucks.

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